


The Robin Questionnaire

by Crowlows19



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Adorable, Batfamily, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:28:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22608742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowlows19/pseuds/Crowlows19
Summary: Clark and Diana ask Bruce a series of questions about his Robins. Apparently, the Teen Titans were conducting a survey about how well people knew their Robins. Diana even said there were prizes.Pure fluff and humor.
Comments: 31
Kudos: 947





	The Robin Questionnaire

Bruce, Diana, and Clark had a standing lunch date for the last Thursday afternoon of every month. No matter what they were doing or how busy they were, they made time for that lunch. Bruce had been known to leave an operation, come to lunch, and disappear again for the next few weeks. 

And despite what anyone thought, the lunches themselves rarely held any business talk. In fact, they had recently been talking almost exclusively about kids and how difficult they were (in Bruce’s opinion) or how delightful they were (in Clark’s opinion). 

This particular lunch was consumed with something that Diana had heard from Cassie and was apparently spreading like wildfire through the Titans network. A questionnaire. And the subject matter was the Robins. Apparently, the kids were scoring who got the most questions correct. For what purpose, no one seemed to know. Bruce suspected it was just bragging rights. 

He also thought letting Tim score the cards was a little self-serving but if anybody could impartial about themselves, it was Tim.

“So, you just have to go through these questions one by one and whoever gets the most correct wins?” Bruce asked, looking at the phone in Diana’s hands as if it would bite him. 

“That’s the gist, yes,” Diana replied. “Let’s do it!”

Bruce would have protested but he was chewing. 

“Question one,” Diana continued. Clark looked far, far too amused. “Which Robin had the most broken bones?”

“As Robin or in general?” Bruce asked. “That’s two different answers.”

“Give me both,” Diana said, thumbs poised over her screen, ready to type everything he said. 

“Jason as Robin but Tim in general,” Bruce said. 

“Really?” Clark asked, surprised. “I would have guessed Dick with all the flipping and stuff.”

“No,” Bruce told him. “Jason broke all his bones trying to copy the flipping and stuff. Tim broke them falling out of trees as a kid.”

“What was he doing, falling out of trees?” Diana asked, caught between amused and confused. She had always been more baffled by Tim than anyone else she knew. 

“Trying to spy on me,” Bruce said. “Next.”

“Question two,” Diana continued. “Which Robin was benched the most?”

“Stephanie,” Bruce replied without hesitation.

“Really? What did she-?” Clark started. 

“Next question,” Bruce snapped. He clearly did not want to talk about that. 

“Question three, which Robin was the worst driver?”

“All of them,” Bruce said. “Next.”

“Question four,” Diana replied, trying her best not to giggle. “Which Robin gave Batman the grayest hair?” Clark laughed outright at that one. 

“Tim,” Bruce said, again without hesitation. Both Clark and Diana lost it, taking a full two minutes to recover. Clark couldn’t tell if they were hysterical because Bruce was saying it so matter of factly or if it was because he was saying it so quickly as if it was a gut reaction. He was hearing a question and the first child that came to mind was the one whose name came out his mouth. 

“Question five,” Diana said when she could breathe again. “Which Robin has stolen the most equipment?”

“Tim stole the most cars but Damian the most weaponry.”

“Question six, which Robin is the best cook?” 

“Jason,” Bruce said. “He makes this really good pasta dish that I love.”

“Question seven, which Robin sings the best karaoke?”

“Dick,” Bruce said. “He has dances and everything.”

“Question eight, which Robin has a birthmark?”

Bruce’s eyes narrowed so dangerously that Clark wondered if this whole thing was going to take a very sideways leap. Diana caught it too and immediately looked worried. 

“What?” she asked.

“I want to know everyone who answers that question correctly,” he said as if she even had the power to deliver such a thing.

“Why?” Clark asked. 

“Because the answer is Tim and if anyone has seen it, it’s because they’ve seen him naked and I want a full list, Diana,” Bruce snapped. Diana rolled her eyes. 

“I’ll do my best,” she said, a tad condescendingly. “Question nine, which Robin has the worst allergies?”

“Oh, God, Jason,” Bruce lamented. “You should hear him snore during allergy season. It is the worst sound I have ever heard.”

“Question ten, which Robin has the strangest food preferences?”

“Damian, but that’s because we think he’s inventing dishes and then passing them off as global cuisine. Dick got food poisoning the other night.”

“Question eleven, which Robin is the neat-freak?”

“Jason,” Bruce said, a faraway look to his eyes at this point, clearly lost in memories. “He can’t stand clutter, mess, or Tim’s room in general.”

“Question twelve, which Robin snuck out the most?”

“Damian,” Bruce said to Clark’s surprise. He would think it would be Jason or Tim. Maybe even Dick. “He always sneaks out to be with the older boys. He feels left out, being so much younger.”

“Question thirteen,” Diana said, looking like she just wanted to hug Bruce at this point. “Which Robin can beat Batman in a fight?”

“All of them. I’m old.”

“Question fourteen, which Robin has the most unhealthy snacks?”

“Tim with his coffee and Dick comes in a close second with his cereal. Although, Stephanie does eat a crazy amount of waffles.”

“Question fifteen, which Robin has the worst jokes?”

“Dick, always Dick.”

“Question sixteen, which Robin has the best jokes?”

"Tim."

Both Clark and Diana looked at him as if he was crazy. 

"What?" Bruce asked.

"Tim has the driest sense of humor I've ever heard," Clark said. "Most of the time no one can tell if he's kidding or not."

"I know," Bruce said, clearly not seeing the problem. "It's hysterical."

“Question seventeen,” Diana said, purposefully ignoring that quagmire. “Which Robin is the smartest?”

Bruce paused here, sincerely thinking it over. 

“Dick’s the leader; Jason’s the pragmatist; Tim’s the strategist; Stephanie perseveres; Damian’s the responsible one.”

“So they each bring something different to the table?” Clark asked. This was an interesting conversation; it was rare to hear Bruce open up about his Robin’s. He wondered if Diana had expected to get through this whole questionnaire or if she had expected to be shut down somewhere around question two. After all, there was no chance that this wouldn’t spread like wildfire through the Titans and the League alike. 

“Question eighteen,” Diana continued. “Which Robin is Batman’s favorite?”

“None of them,” Bruce replied. “They all annoy me equally.”

Spoken like a true parent, though Clark had his own theories about who the favorite was. 

“Question nineteen,” Diana said, slightly smirking. “Which Robin is most likely to take over the world?”

“Tim, if he ever got a full night’s sleep.”

“Question twenty,” Diana said, a huge smirk on her face. “Which Robin is the hottest?”

Bruce scowled, clearly disgusted. 

“I’m not answering that,” he said. 

Clark and Diana didn’t stop laughing at him until after he’d paid for the check. 

Diana ended up submitting the questionnaire under her own name, knowing Red Robin wouldn’t even consider it’s validity otherwise. She had been very pleased to find out a month later that all Robins had agreed that she was the winner. She ended up with a gift card to Batburger which she made Bruce take her to the next time she visited Gotham.


End file.
